Alone
FROM childhood's hour I have not been
As others were; I have not seen
As others saw; I could not bring
My passions from a common spring.
From the same source I have not taken
My sorrow; I could not awaken
My heart to joy at the same tone;
And all I loved, I loved alone.
Then - in my childhood, in the dawn
Of a most stormy life - was drawn
From every depth of good and ill
The mystery which binds me still:
From the torrent, or the fountain,
From the red cliff of the mountain,
From the sun that round me rolled
In its autumn tint of gold,
From the lightning in the sky
As it passed me flying by,
From the thunder and the storm,
And the cloud that took the form
(When the rest of Heaven was blue)
Of a demon in my view.
Edgar Allan Poe

good 'ole edgar allan poe.he must've done nothing but think & ponder the universe & write poetry all day long. i had a great day w/the boys. i missed them so much! i was tired all day though, cause i had a hard time going 2 sleep last nite. arrghh. ~next subject~i hope i can take seth 2 c polar express this w/end, it looks so cute. the gville parade's this w/end 2. if i wasn't silently flippn out cause i havent gotten christmas shoppn started yet, i would really b enjoying the holidays! hhmmmm, i've been n a really great mood 4 like the last month. i wonder who, i mean what's behind that? teehee. must b gettn late--here comes the silliness. 'til next time...

new blog...

i s'pose i need 2 find a hobby OUTSIDE, but it's winter so.......i have this other blog. & it's under constuction & it's pretty cute, but there aren't many posts on it yet. if u wanna check it out, it's over 2 the right under my links.--artsyhippygypsy--

Sonnets of William Shakespeare
Sonnet 116
Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments. Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wandering bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.
Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come:
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

oh boy. break is truly over. back 2 babysitting 2morrow. i'm glad, i've missed the boys. school must've worn seth out cause he went 2 sleep at 7:45. christmas is almost here. i'm excited, but bah-humbug. i haven't started shopping yet so it'll b interesting again this yr. someday, maybe, i'll get a head start! helped tony put his tree up. it's not done but o well. he's n the shop this wk. i'm glad 2. i worry about him sooo much when he's on the road! i'm hoping 2 get a chance 2 go thru my pics so i can put some on the site. wish me luck~

Truth At Last...

DOES a man ever give up hope, I wonder, --
Face the grim fact, seeing it clear as day?
When Bennen saw the snow slip, heard its thunder
Low, louder, roaring round him, felt the speed
Grow swifter as the avalanche hurled downward,
Did he for just one heart-throb -- did he indeed
Know with all certainty, as they swept onward,
There was the end, where the crag dropped away?
Or did he think, even till they plunged and fell,
Some miracle would stop them? Nay, they tell
That he turned round, face forward, calm and pale,
Stretching his arms out toward his native vale
As if in mute, unspeakable farewell,
And so went down. -- 'T is something, if at last,
Though only for a flash, a man may see
Clear-eyed the future as he sees the past,
From doubt, or fear, or hope's illusion free.
Edward Rowland Sill

had a nice thanksgiving day. got 2 c cousin sarah. got 2 ride horsies. lived thru the parade. good break. short post. ha.

yea gobble day!

Robert Frost / The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

well, 2morrow is turkey day! i think i have everything i need--shouldnt have 2 make any crazy trips 2 any stores. im jsut ready 2 eat & eat & visit w/family. cause i am very thankful 4 them! but i gotta crash cause 2morrow'll b here n a hurry & i didnt get much sleep last nite cause i couldnt stop worrying bout tony's flight & drive home! happy thanksgiving!

jabberwocky

'twas brillig, and the slithy toves
did gyre and gimble in the wabe:
all mimsy were the borogoves,
and the mome raths outgrabe. lewis carroll

it seems to fit so well when u here it n alice n wonderland, but all by itself----nope,not so much. took the test 2day.... easy but man. i had trouble reading that last test! my eyes still feel like they're crossed. & when i took my lunch break some lady down the street yelled & POINTED at me! she told me 2 slow down. i was not going THAT fast! oh boy i had some not so nice thoughts bout her 4 the rest of the test! i wish i hadnt had to miss seth's school thanksgiving dinner, but at least the test is done.amy was a helper 4 the dinner & she brought seth 2 town 4 me & watched him til the test was over. (thanks sis!) tony'll b back n town 2nite at 2ish(2morrow morn really)he's n kentucky. poor guy. i know he doesnt like driving a truck. but at least hes only on the road a few days at a time. if im still up when he gets here, im gonna get going 2 the store out of the way. i doubt that i wil b, but w/mart's so empty n the middle of the nite! i luv it! i'm ready 4 turkey day!

ok---

so i have no idea how that managed to get posted. therefore, i retract that last statement.[only the part about posting this later][the rest is all 2 tru!] ha! i laugh!

the day is cold, and dark, and dreary;

hmmm...i just lost what i tried 2 post. this is why i hate technology!! & it's also why this can wait til 2morrow.

the day is cold, and dark, and dreary;

it rains, and the wind is never weary;
the vine still clings to the mouldering wall,
but at every gust the dead leaves fall,
and the day is dark and dreary.

my life is cold, and dark, and dreary;
it rains, and the wind is never weary;
my thoughts still cling to the mouldering past,
but the hopes of youth fall thick in the blast,
and the days are dark and dreary.

be still, sad heart! and cease repining;
behind the clouds is the sun still shining;
my fate is the common fate of all,
into each life some rain must fall,
some days must be dark and dreary.

is it 2 much 2 ask if i wanna c some sunshine?? besides, i wanna go ride the horsies over thanksgiving! ok so nothings been going on at all-same ole stuff......church on sun.-need 4 speed underground on the ps2 all evening-/-mon-pre-registered 4 the test-/oh duh that was 2day-so yup thats it. gotta catch some zzz's--the test is from 8-5ish-ALL DAY LONG. oh ick.

good grief charlie brown...

by the way, i have no idea where that last poem came from or what it means. & i really dont know why im postn cause i need to get some snoozn done cause 2morrow i'll b helpin seth make his giant gingerbread man thingee 4 the parade. & that will take a LOT of patience. something i dont have unless i get lots of sleep! ok so..oh wait. i went to the hospital 2day & i have a bladder infection. thats as exciting as it gets. so....thats it 4 2day!ha!

can't rain all the time....

or so i thought! i think everybody could use a few sunny days! seth is bn a pain & i can't wait til the weather's nicer so he can play outside. class is miserably boring right now since i'm still just waiting 2 take the test.i think i've studied more n the last 2 months than i did the entire time i was school! now all i'm doing is reading n class. not a bad way to spend the day, but it's not the best reading atmosphere. too much talking. i think i'll ask michele(my instructor)if i can start reading out n the hall cause it's quieter. i am taking the test next wk though. the day b4 turkey day. i'm looking forward to having it out of the way.

Dim-vales-and shadowy floods-
And cloudy-looking woods,
Whose forms we can't discover
For the tears that drip all over.
Huge moons there wax and wane-
Again-again-again-
Every moment of the night-
Forever changing places-
And they put out the star-light
With the breath from their pale faces.

we r the music makers,and we r the dreamers of dreams..

boy i have some weird dreams!! interpretations r so vague.and there r so many dream interpretations! silly nonsense, i think. but a way 2 waste time n this wet weather none the less. so ive been stay n here(n g-ville at tonys)quite a bit-cause hes on the road. but i was think n, & he'll probly go back on the road right.so i can't keep stay n here cause i'll practically b livin here! but it is convenient right now w/class b n here and all. seth threw another fit 2day, but i was patient,& by the end of the night he was b n super sweet, loving & even polite. mayb i can go 2 sleep easily 4 once! yea! i thought i might start throwing some poetry n stuff n here. since i dont usually have much 2 say. i like b n boring. so ha.

Be mature enough to realize
you still have much to learn
Be wise enough to know respect
is something that you earn.
Be patient with your parents,
with yourself
and others, too.
Be the best you can be,
and life will give its best to you.

long time no post...

well, i guess ive been slackn a lil. net wasnt coming up this w/end so couldnt get on TO post. just another w/end really. i dont know if its the weather or what, but im in a serious "deep thought" mood. more than usual even. but this w/end i really didnt do much. went 2 lewisville, ate at hooters, went 2 see some friends new place, went 2 denton mall, went to visit some other friends, basically just goofed of a lot n an attempt to ignore the rain. seth was w/his daddy, so i missed him a whole bunch, super glad hes back w/me. speakn of seth, i need 2 go run his bath & start the bedtime routine. need 2 get up earlier than usual, pickn up matt 2. (house-sittn right now at tony's-hes on the road-)just 4 houses down from amy.---is that right?---

i figure.....

that the new title of the blg is perfect. im almost always on this thing nbtween 9&12. & im always tired. nothing new goin on w/me. watched the boys today & been tryn 2 figure out what im goin 2 do 2morrow til tony gets off work cause seth is goin 2 c his daddy,ick. also found out that aunt lyndas mom has colon cancer, keep her n ur prayers.

When you're lonely,

I wish you LOVE.
When you're sad,
I wish you JOY.
When you're discouraged,
I wish you HOPE.
When life is stressful,
I wish you INNER SILENCE.
When your spirit is empty,
I wish you SIMPLE BEAUTY.
When you're troubled,
I wish you PEACE.

=================

well,i moved everything out.i think.drank coffee w/mom & while we chit-chatted about nothing n particular,my heart was breaking.[full of smiles on the outside,full of sadness on the inside.]all i could think was,what if this is the last time i get to do this?not that i sat around feeln sorry 4 myself or anything,i actually did quite a bit 2day.nothing spectacular, but hey...if she finds my things shell just put them n a bag or box.& i am going back s/time this w/end 2 get fritzy.she can stay at tonys,he doesnt mind.got shelf out of storage n st jo.[took all vhs/dvds 2 tonys] they were all on that shelf when i lived there.ah,everything n its place,right? hmm....we snuggled on the couch & watched tv 4 a bit( i only watch tv when im there.its hard not 2 when theres a big plasma tv hanging on the wall!)then we ate some bbq sndwchs.yum!tony went 2 work & i came 2 pick up seth from school.had some xtra time so i vacuumed out the hemi.[which i have 2 say bye 2 next wk so it can go on the lot][have no idea what im gonna do cause old blu is belly up 4 sure.uh oh.]seth & i drove round 4 a bit,ate a snack n & played n the park,picked up 2morrows class snacks,seth bought a choco shake from sonic w/tooth fairy $,came home.[we had a lil talk n the park bout things. he was glad 2 hear that fritzy could stay at tonys & he could c her on the w/ends.he calls her his buddy. not much input on not going 2 grndmas house anymore.ill try again later.i want him 2 learn 2 talk 2 me the way megan did.id like 2 work out some of the confusion at least.poor baby.just xplained 2 him that i loved him & thought it would b best if he werent around pa pa 2 much after the fight.he was totally understanding.hope it stays that way.what is u'r opinion?is it better to leave kids n the dark 2 protect their innocence, or is it better to have things out n the open to avoid confusion?

im upset...

but i meant to say that i am so very very thankful for the loving, caring, supportive, and positive friends & family n my life. i love u all so much & i would b lost w/out u guys. thank u!!!!!

struggle,struggle,struggle!

i've had power stuggles w/seth all wk, now w/corbin. but he's younger & they aren't really so bad. weldon & loren got 2 eat lunch 2gether(they come home 4 lunch) & im glad they got 2 eat 2gether, but i really missed my lunchtime chat w/loren! owen was his usual sweet baby self. took a few pics of the boys today. man they're cute. my heart hurts though. i wasn't going 2 post anything about this but i talked 2 mom 2day. she asked me if i had my key 2 the house still, & told me not 2 stop by when no one was there bcause dad doesnt like it. all i could do was hang up. i know, disrespectful & immature, right? well, it just hurt me all over again. so i'm ditching class 2morrow 2 take absolutely everything that i own & can find out of that house. i just have 2 face the fact that she never has & never will stop him from tearing the fam apart. i can't go over there after 2morrow. & if she wants 2 see seth, i'm sorry but she'll have 2 come see him. he's not staying there again. the cycle has 2 stop somewhere. am i right?

sooo.....

if u didnt think i was boring b4, u should now! today i went 2 w/mart 2 grab some new pillows,(i told tony 2 not bother washing his pillows cause it wasnt worth it),now that they feel like giant bricks he believes me. went w/tony 2 pick up a new l/mower blade, the tree root got it again, only it was a different 1, & n his defense it was hidden under a pile of leaves. picked up seth from school & took a nice lil detour through the country. drove by grandpas & saw the horsies. its been 2 long since ive ridden!! came back 2 town & went 2 the g/store so seth could pick up his class snack 4 tomorrow. still bn stubborn & whiny. what has gotten n2 that child? where has my sweet lil snuggle bear gone? we came home & 4 some reason laid down on the bed 4 a sec & both crashed n a hurry. seth is n fact still asleep. better get 2 sleep, have corbin & owen 2morrow. nitey nite.

not much 2 say...

about yesterday. tony helped tom & manda move n a couch. very nice. i likeee. ran around looking 4 the 1 paper i had that could tell me how many kiddies r n seths class(this is his snack wk). never found it, so still assuming that theres 13 or 14. i really think its 14. tom & manda came over & we cooked out on the grill & watched shrek 2. not really WE. I had to take some sinus med & passed out on the couch & never ate supper. just woke up 2 tuck seth n bed. he had a raging temper last night, had a massive power-struggle type fit, which he lost, & i still feel bad. i really dont like spanking him. he also had his mouth washed out 4 screaming,"i want a stupid f*ing drink." oh dear. its a good thing ive learned 2 control my temper so very well. im not really sure how 2 handle him when he acts like that. i think its just an attempt to c if im still boss occasionally. he hasnt done it n a long time. but it worries me. do all kids do that? any suggestions?

ahh..the comfort of saturdays..

just a nice relaxing saturday morning, cartoons & cereal. such a beautiful thing. great day 2. bought shrek 2. matt came over 2 watch it w/seth. of course i watched it all & the boys played outside 4 most of it. thats good though. took some really cute photos of them n a pile of leaves. amy & brandon came by after b's nap. sat outside til the squitos got us. made banana drop cookies. couldnt find my favorite recipe so ....theyre good though, just not AS good. seth is watching a nite nite movie. almost time 2 shut down 4 the nite...

feeln icky is just no fun...

seth isnt feeln so great, poor guy. hes got the winter blues. sniffles n stuff. ive added coffee permanently 2 the list of things that make me feel icky. today was ok. seth went 2 school lookn like an orphan cause he HAD 2 wear his new hornet shirt. 6 sizes 2 big. drat. got 2 cuddle & watch tv w/tony though. hee hee. i missed him. hes such a nice guy. we ate lunch at dieters, havent been there n a long time. tommys movin back n w/amanda, they finally got the hag roommate 2 move out. i knew he wouldnt last til dec.! im really happy 4 them. glad they could work things out. got to drive the hemi 2day. sniff sniff. w/the 4sale sign sittn n the back seat. checked the chevys radiator cap. looked ok 2 me. poor old blu's just belly up i think. stupid car. poor momma just paid 2 have the horn fixed too. sooooo glad its the w/end!!!! & such pretty weather. hip hip hooray!

ever had one of those weeks....

u know, the ones that start off as a bad day but never end? when u feel like the worlds against u? ok, so im probably just tired from watchin the boys. it was really a good day. i was n a great mood all day. til i got tired anyway. seth got his hornet tshirt today & he was really excited about that. i got him the wrong sz of course, so he'll b able 2 wear it for 5 yrs, 4 of which itll b 2 big. why doesnt it say on the sheets that a m is a 10/12? aaah! im no mind reader! crazy people. but its all ok cause tomorrow is fri & i can chill w/tony all morning & the w/end'll b here. thank goodness. if the week were any longer than 5 days im pretty sure the murder rate would b much higher! mayb thats a lil dramatic but ya know what i mean! still dont know what to do bout that stupid car either....

today started...

today started great! seth got up right away, & he got to school early. no early morning fits either! yea! class was way boring though. i'll b so happy when orientation is over!! after class me & tony grabbed some mexican food..mmm-fajitas!! then we went back 2 the casa & snuggled & watched tv for a sec(ok so 4 like 15 min) then he took me 2 get old blu out of the shop. (he needs hemi 2 drive 2 work 'cause the supra's tires r not so great & the new tires & wheels won't b n 4 a few months. ( i think they look great compared 2 the firebirds when they were bad..oops) i was finally ok w/handin over my truck, but when i got 2 muenster old blu was bubblin and steamin and smokin and she was throwin up water & i guess antifreeze all over the road. (after i parked her of course) so i had 2 get amy 2 pick up seth from school, god bless er, & i rode w/her 2 gainesville 2 get the supra. that thing has 2 many windshill wiper buttons. i miss my hemi. im not whining. ok, mayb a lil. oh poo. ooh! good news 4 me-i dont have class fri. know what that means? it means sneakin n2 tonys after i take seth 2 school & cuddlin w/him allll morning! oh happy day! don't know what im gonna do bout that stupid car........

is it the w/end yet?

it's been a decent week, don't get me wrong, i'm just ready 4 the w/end. today was just another usual tuesday. had a hard time getn seth up 4 school, finally got both of us ready,took him 2 school, then went to babysit corbin & owen, 2 of the cutest lil boys n the world. they exhaust me but i luv watchn them. around 3:35 weldon, the boys dad, dropped off emily, their daughter, who is also n k, & my son seth. then the madness went on 4 its usual hr or so. loren, a good friend & corbin, owen, & emilys mom, got off work, voted, & got home at around 4:50. seth & i went 2 my rents casa 2 pick up a few things, then 2 my aunts, where im stayn now n my cuz sarahs, or tanks room. shes the reason that i know about bloggn. http://tankhess.blogspot.com shes got some seriously cute pics posted. i havent got that deep n2 the bloggn yet. after we got 2 my auntie nettes, seth & i worked on his flash cards. hes been havn a lil trouble remembern his letters. but then its always hard 2 learn stuff when ur busy bn the class clown, right? hes getn bettr though. then some supper, a bath, a few bedtime stories, and the beatiful silence of the night begins. (& i voted n there somewhere) sorry 2 offend any1 silly enough 2 want kerry as pres, but i wouldve felt pretty miserable about not voting if k would win. enough ramblin.....

first post ever!

obviously not the first ever, but ya know what i mean. n fact it's so "first ever" that no one knows it exists. oh the power! tee hee. i can already tell that the chance of survival 4 this blog is not so good.